Pressured to be good enough? That’s Guilt, not God.

Pressured to be good enough? That’s guilt not, God

“Dang, I didn’t pray again. I’m suppose to have a dedicated time to pray and read the bible. I haven’t done it in two weeks. I know that God is so disappointed in me. I’m not doing what he wants me to do. I should be doing more!” Has anyone had this conversation with themselves? Or is it just me? I often feel like I am not doing enough; not for others, not for myself and not for God. I thought the pressure was coming from outside of me. I have to keep up with the “holy people”, who are up at 5 a.m. or earlier praying for at least an hour; fasting every week. And then there’s me, hitting snooze, rolling out of bed at the last minute, rushing to get everybody ready and out the house. I would feel like I was letting God down. Like I wasn’t Holy enough for the call on my life.

One night, I was writing all these feelings down about how I feel like I’m never doing enough. God spoke to me and asked, “Where does this pressure come from?” I felt like he was saying, it’s not coming from me soooo… that’s something you need to work out. That pressure that I was feeling was guilt, not God.

Guilt of offense

There is a scripture that talks about God’s perfect love. “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:18 NLT) According to google, the definition of guilt is “the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.” If we believe we have committed an offense or crime, the guilt of the offense leads to feelings of fear of punishment. Fear leads to a host of other things but that is for another time. Now in some cases, there will be a “punishment” of sorts. After certain acts are committed, there will be consequences as a result of reckless or negligent behavior. However, there is a difference between feelings of fear of punishment and receiving punishment.

I had to realize what was really happening. I was punishing myself for not doing what I should be doing and blaming God for making me have to do all these things. Since I was already juggling multiple priorities, and never had enough time, I was waiting on the punishment of not being a “good girl.” I was categorizing praying, reading the bible, and fasting as another chore I had to get done. It was on my to-do list, but somewhere at the bottom that I could never seem to check off.

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Feelings of not doing enough… it’s guilt, not God

The bible states, “Dear friends, if we don’t feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence.” (1 John 3:21 NLT) Yes dear friends, my guilt of not making God a priority caused me to just keep pushing him down the to-do list each day. The guilt was causing a cycle of fear that just continued to increase over time. Until one day, God said, “your feelings of you not doing enough and that you are not good enough… girl that ain’t me, (I’m paraphrasing). It stems from guilt!” I was viewing this thing all wrong and not even aware that I had this deep feeling of guilt that was affecting multiple areas of my life.

Guilt did not stop Saul

God had to remind me of Saul. Saul was actively pursuing believers to throw them in jail and kill them when God called him. “But Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them in prison.” (Acts 8:3 NLT) Saul was eager to kill the Lord’s followers. As he was on his way to Damascus the Lord spoke to him from heaven. “‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked. And the voice replied, ‘I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.'” (Acts 9:3-5 NLT) The men that were with Saul were amazed because they heard the voice but didn’t see anyone. After this encounter Saul was blinded and taken by his men to Damascus and stayed there for three days.

Chosen instrument by God

God sends Ananias to Saul so that he can lay hands on him to receive his vision back. Ananias is like, wait a minute, you want me to go to this guy? I’ve heard all of the terrible things he has done to believers. “But the Lord said, ‘Go for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to people of Israel.'” (Acts 9:15 NLT) Saul immediately goes on to preach God’s word powerfully. He becomes a prominent figure, called Paul, in the early church who wrote a big portion of the New Testament. If God could still use Saul powerfully, then he can still use me. So, I don’t have to fear consequences or hold onto guilt.

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The problem with guilt, not God

When we feel guilt it causes us to feel timid. Instead of coming to God with bold confidence, we are fearful and lack the courage to just come. Hebrews 10:22 says, “let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.” I wonder if Saul ever felt any guilt for the persecution that he caused? What if he allowed guilt to stop him from coming to God? I think it would have been justifiable for him to feel that he committed too many crimes to even consider it. However, this shows that God uses anyone regardless of past offenses. Our guilty consciences are clean with Christ’s blood, and we can come to him trusting that he will accept us.

Pressure does not come from God

In hindsight, what I needed to learn was that God does not pressure us. He patiently waits for us. We don’t need to be afraid to come before him. He wants us to want to spend time with him, not feel obligated like it’s a chore. I didn’t need to keep putting it off, I just needed to re-prioritize and give myself grace. There is no such thing as the “perfect Christian”. It comes down to priorities. When you do have the desire to pray and you miss a day or two, it’s ok. If you forget and eat a whole meal during a day you decided to fast, it’s alright! Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t feel like you are always messing up or not good enough. He just wants you to come, no matter how long it’s been.